death is misleading, and when i fall asleep, sleep with your ghost

[unburden]

Although Rukia has no shortage of facilities to turn to when she's in need of practice, sometimes finding someone capable of reacting to her attacks is another matter entirely. For weeks, she's been training with Urahara to try and stretch her power as far as it can go. She'd known for years that her soul is one with access to ice and cold. A mere circle of her blade can send a pillar of ice screaming towards the sky.

What she didn't realize until recently was that the extension of that power meant looking within. To freeze herself, and not just the environment.

But because her bankai is one that her body can only tolerate for brief periods of time, she's trying to focus more on her core strengths. That's what has her at the gym today, with a kendo group. She's the shortest of the group by far, grinning whenever it's her turn to step up to compete, earning a lot of overly confident smirks from her opponents before she overwhelms them entirely. Kendo is a martial art that doesn't use the sword as freely as she would in real battle, but she makes up for the gap by making sure she defeats her opponents with the most deadly threat.

Tsuki-bu, stopping just before their throat.

They're only using wooden swords, and the headgear and armor they wear protects them from any real harm, but it's still a bit thrilling to best even the most seasoned of students in the club. A swift strike earns her the second point in her match, and Rukia quickly sheaths her wooden sword back by her hip, removing her headgear in one smooth motion, shaking her head to cool down.

"Thank you," she says to her opponent, bowing before leaving the competition area and glancing out of the broad windows that stretch next to the entrance of the gym. Spotting someone familiar, she waves sheepishly.

Comments

[unseentides]

I hadn't meant to stare, honestly. I'd realised it was Rukia — the girl I'd met that day I'd searched for a way to listen to my tape — and meant to leave it at that. But then I saw what she was doing, some sort of martial art, and it was so impressive. It was so unlike anything I'd ever seen. The look of determination, I think, that's what made me stick around.

I was caught off guard when she waved at me, but I waved back, trying not to flush red for having been spotted watching. I did that a fair amount in Darrow, just like I had at Hailsham, and for most of my life. I was an observer, some would say, while others would argue nosy.

[unburden]

Looking back on it now, I wonder if I had been a little overeager in finding someone I knew standing right outside of the dojo. It was a hard time, regardless of whether or not I wanted to admit it then. Growing up, I'd always had friends around me, friends who stuck by my side even when my circumstances grew complex upon being adopted by a noble house. Darrow was the first time that I had experienced being in a place where none of my peers were.

Though I had made friends, I usually refrained from bothering them.

Feeling like I didn't quite belong.

I asked the instructor for permission to take a break. Possibly because my level was far beyond the others, I was easily waved aside, and I took the opportunity to step out a little into the cool evening air, my hair still stuck to my temples from the awkward positioning of the headgear.

"Kathy, hello," I greeted, pleased as I tried to draw myself up to full height. "Have you been watching long?"

[unseentides]

"Not really," I said, although I wasn't sure if I'd have admitted even if I had. I was sure Rukia wouldn't have minded, but I still felt a little flustered to have been caught out, observing her like that. I wasn't sure I had anything I was as good at as her and her martial art that I might be able to compare it to, but it would have felt strange if somebody had sat and watched me read for an hour. Something like that. "You were very good, though."

[unburden]

"I have been training for... a very long time," I said judiciously, with a small laugh. Kathy didn't know the full nature of what and who I was, and while I had recently grown more comfortable in sharing that with people, I also knew that it held a type of gravity that not all people wanted to invite into their lives. Having death present among them raised questions, and very frequently.

Sometimes it was better to protect people's peace of mind.

"Actually, I went to school for it. Usually, I use a metal blade, but they don't have the kind of academy I attended here, so I've conformed to what they can provide." Smiling, I wrinkled my nose. "I'm sorry to stand in front of you like this, all sweaty. Did you have somewhere you needed to be? If not, maybe we can get tea — after I shower."

[unseentides]

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I said with a shake of my head, because I'd certainly seen people worse. I don't think that's something I've spoken a lot about before, but being a carer came with that. The feverish and the fighting to breathe. The disoriented and the weak. Rukia's sweatiness after her workout didn't bother me in the least. "But tea sounds really nice."

[unburden]

I knew that my eagerness probably made it clear that I was lonely. I wasn't sure if I was self-conscious enough to care right then. There were too many thoughts that I could find myself overly occupied with, if I didn't lean on the presence of others. Urahara's projects, and the trouble that Rin regularly found himself in, and the difficulties I was encountering on the way to achieving bankai. Thoughts of Ichigo and the war. It felt as though nothing were definite in my life right then. A mixture of transience and the unknown.

Tea with a friend sounded, indeed, very nice.

"I won't be long," I promised her, pushing open the door and waving her inside. "It'll be warmer in here. The instructor and the students won't mind if you watch. Most of them compete in public tournaments; they're used to an audience."

Smiling broadly, I shuffled my way to the back, washing up quickly and blowdrying my hair well enough that I wouldn't be hit with a headache right after leaving. I managed to come back out in less than ten minutes, wearing a modest knee-length dress, looking smaller than I had with the armor, probably.

"Are we ready?"

[unseentides]

Rukia has said that nobody would mind if I watched, but I still felt a little uncomfortable, a little like I was intruding. I found it hard to look away, though, watching them practice skills beyond my own comprehension. Like I said before, the passion, the determination, it was just all so impressive. I had a lot of questions — I always did, really — but I kept them to myself and smiled upon Rukia's return. "I am," I said, and then added, "you look really lovely, too. Did you have a place in mind for tea?"

[unburden]

"Oh, yes," I said with a smile, blushing slightly at her compliment of my outfit. It wasn't something I typically heard from other people, mostly because I was never close enough to my peers for them to feel comfortable providing that feedback. It was a cultural difference, as far as I knew. I liked breaking that trend here in Darrow.

It reminded me a little of Orihime's effusiveness.

"There's a little Chinese-style tea shop across the street. Well, I suppose it's not actually Chinese — the owner wouldn't concede to that. But it has a beautiful array of teas, and plenty of small snacks and cakes on the side if you're hungry."

I smiled, glancing to the side. "You look lovely as well, Kathy. From the expression you wore, I assume you aren't very familiar with kendo?"

[unseentides]

"Is that what it's called? Kendo? No, I haven't. It's all very impressive, though," I tried not to feel embarrassed for that fact, but moments like these always made me wish I was more well read. I never wanted to seem ignorant, and I'd been curious ever since I was a little girl. I wondered for a moment what Tommy would think of the swords. I wondered what he'd think of a lot of the new things I discovered in Darrow. "You said you'd been doing it for a while?"

[unburden]

"Nn," I nodded in confirmation of her question. I had been using my sword for longer than she had lived, most likely, if she aged as well as normal, living humans did. I had grown increasingly accustomed to thinking about the world in terms of an average human lifespan as I made connections such as my friendship with Kathy. Having died as an infant, it was never something I would have considered on my own in Soul Society. We live for hundreds of years. Sometimes, thousands.

Sometimes the living feel like mayflies in comparison.

"It is my main skill, you could say?" I mused, wondering how to frame it without delving into the full details of my occupation. "I discovered early on that I had more power than one might expect of someone my size, and decided to put it to use. I know I don't look the part. But sometimes deceiving looks can be an advantage."

I glanced her way. "Do you have any such hobbies?"

[unseentides]

"Nothing like this," I said, and held back from saying that I wasn't sure whether I had any hobbies at all. I mean, I read. But beyond that so much of my life had been about caring for others. About preparing to fulfil my duties. I hadn't kept up with my art or any of the sports we played at Hailsham. Thinking about it now, it seems a little sad. But I had time. I told myself that I'd find new things to do. That was the difference between Darrow and where I'd come from. "I'd probably be much too clumsy. The way you move... it's like your sword is an extension of yourself."

[unburden]

"That's the way to think about it," I confirmed, continuing to walk down the street. The city felt quieter today. Maybe it was the onset of spring that had people driving outside of the main city to try and get more of a glimpse of green. Whatever it was, there was less chatter on the sidewalk, and it made our conversation feel private and personal.

"The sword is... in many ways, an extension of your arm. Definitely an extension of your body. You train constantly with it, because you need to get to that level of thinking about the sword. It's not something extra that you're holding in your hand, it's not a club to bludgeon someone with. You can be just as precise with a sword as you would be with your fingers. And that makes it an art, rather than just a weapon."

[unseentides]

I nodded, because it seemed much more an art form than just brutality. Her saying that made me think of the Gallery, of how Tommy and I had found out that its purpose was to find out whether we had souls at all. To find out whether we deserved to be treated like people, with dignity, or if we were just disposable. I wondered what they'd think of Rukia and her sword. I wonder what they'd think it said about her soul. "It's certainly beautiful," I said.

[unburden]

Beautiful. That was a word that people often used for my powers. Kathy hadn't even seen my true sword or its released form, but there were always murmurs about the zanpakutou of nobles. Though adopted, the fact that my sword was a beautiful one seemed to afford me some acceptance. Proof that I belonged, in a way.

It was beautiful, but because it was acknowledged by so many as being beautiful, a part of me couldn't help but think that placed a greater burden on me to remember all the ugly things it was capable of as well.

I smiled softly, stepping up to the entrance of the tea shop and holding open the door.

"I'm glad you think so," I said genuinely, before following behind Kathy into the shop. "I want to hear about what you love, though. I know you said that you don't practice anything like kendo, but perhaps you have something else that you love to learn about."